adventures of a mere mortal in fitness and life

Posts tagged ‘work’

inspired

who's gonna stop me

So now that I hit the “STOP” button on the treadmill of life, jumped off for a break, and am ready to move in a new direction, I cannot tell you how much better I feel.  Physically and mentally.  Literally, my stomach stopped hurting as it has pretty much ever since I “decided” I was going to shoulder this job that I didn’t want.  I haven’t felt this motivated or empowered in a long time, and I feel like I have my life back to me.

And of course, I have a plan.  It would be unlike me not to have a plan, but sometimes you just have to jump without knowing all your options, right?  So I was thinking about what lay ahead in the future for me, thinking about what I have done in the past and whether I cared to return to that place.  Which I really don’t.  I am not ready to grasp at straws yet.

I want to enjoy work and be motivated to do it.  And as I looked around at what inspires me, the answer became pretty obvious.  I want to help people achieve their goals and dreams.  What I love about teaching adults is helping them on the path to reach their goals.  I share their feeling of accomplishment that they have when they finish their course successfully or pass their GED exam or learn more about reading or math or grammar or anything.  I want to do that all the time, and if I can’t do it always in a school setting, then there are other places I can do that.

Becoming a personal trainer will fit in with what I love to do, and it is extra special to me because I know about struggling with my weight, my self-confidence, and all the mental BS that held me back for many years.  With my students in my adult ed classes, I still have a hard time relating to their struggle because I never struggled in school.  But losing weight, getting fit?  I know A LOT about that struggle.  I want to help people enjoy becoming athletes if they want because I know how much joy racing and triathlons give me, and if I can share that passion with someone, that would be awesome!

I know it isn’t going to be easy, and maybe it seems cliché, but I am determined and I know I have the intelligence and motivation to do this thing right.  And it is so gonna happen because the right reasons are keeping me moving forward toward my goal.

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stuck on the treadmill…

Today I was running on the treadmill, and I had a moment of panic.  I know the feeling pretty well, as I have had panic attacks in the past.  Without warning, all the air rushed out of me for just a split second.  I hopped off the ‘mill for a second in order to catch my breath, trying to figure out what just happened.  And I realized that what I was physically doing has become a metaphor for what I am currently doing in my life.  I am stuck on the treadmill that has become my life.

If you know me, you might know that I have a hard time sitting down and being still anymore.  It’s a lot to ask me to settle down for shavasana at the end of a yoga class.  I know, I know, I should be still and let my thoughts drift away, blah, blah, blah.  But I don’t, and that’s not who I am (yet).  But lately, I don’t feel like my energy is directed at going fast or doing a lot, it’s just directed toward hurryingHurrying is WAY different from not sitting still.  I feel like I have to hurry from working out to making lunches to rushing the kids to school to speeding to work to speeding through my day to speeding home to pick up the kids, etc.  You get the point. I am supposed to be doing a full-time job in 28 hours a week.  My husband thinks I am just not prioritizing well, but I have to tell you that I don’t always get to choose my priorities at work.  All I have done for 2 months or more is hurry.  All I can think when I get stopped from doing what needs to get done to take care of something else is, When will I be done doing this so I can go back to what I need to get done?

There’s not a lot of time for reflection.  There’s no time for kicking back and relaxing.  I watched TV  last night not on the bike trainer for the first time in a month.  Not that I advocate TV as down time, but even once a week would be OK to check out a movie or something.  As for reflection, whether about my job or the kids or my family, that only gets done while running or swimming. Even now, this reflection is just me stealing time from punching the clock.

And the reflection I had Tuesday (and again today) was, I don’t NEED all this.  Stop this train, I wanna get off.

stop button It’s true.  I don’t need what has been billed as “the best job I will ever be offered”.  I don’t need to work so I can have a new rug or new patio furniture, or even a new bike (although that would be oh so sweet).  I don’t give a crap about my career advancement (I am completely happy teaching/coaching people for the rest of my life), my 401k (I know I should be, but it’s hard to motivate to think about retiring), or any of that other stuff.  But mostly, I don’t want to have to hurry through life.  That’s completely against everything I have learned about myself in the past couple of years. Where am I hurrying to?  I don’t see a finish line, so I am having trouble seeing the point.

I know that today is all I have.  I know that I need to live each day to the fullest.  That means I need to stop hurrying and start enjoying my kids, husband, friends, family, and everything that I am passionate about again.  I feel confident I will figure out the income part, even if it does get tricky at points.  I have gained so much in the past year that I am unwilling to let slip through my fingers because I hopped on the treadmill and am afraid to push the STOP button.

respect yourself

It’s freaking me out a little, but today I am pressing STOP.

getting comfortable with discomfort

Ahh….a day off.  I mean, a day off in which I am completely disinfecting the house after a close brush with death flu and both of the children are running around since they are “feeling better”.

It’s been a while since I posted last, since I have been attempting to drink from a fire hose balancing a new position at work, family, and training.  You remember, training? For a trail half marathon I felt quite confident would be no problem way back in November when I suggested it to Mr. Prepared.  The new position at work has really been challenging, as it is a really busy time of year with the start of a new semester at the college.  In addition, just learning the day to day of who to call about what and what to do has been slightly overwhelming.  It has definitely put me out of my comfort zone.  Enough that I have found myself throwing some mental temper tantrums with a few bouts of tears thrown in, but you know what?  It’s good for me.

It’s a good idea to get uncomfortable in life.  Nothing ever changes if you’re always comfortable.  And I was getting pretty darn comfortable, I guess. I mean work was pretty dialed in, I had set some pretty serious but achievable racing goals for myself this season, and the kids were settled into a routine we have been doing for a while now.

Getting uncomfortable means that you have to expand  your “solutions playbook” and keep adjusting to what life is throwing at you.  More than a few times these past few weeks I have said that I think this new situation is too hard and I no longer wanted to continue.  But whether or not I wanted to, I had to keep pushing on.  As I push on, it gets easier- the new position, the training, finding balance between life and work.  And the opportunity to become a new, stronger, better version of myself has emerged.

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone

Today I ran a new lactate threshold test on the treadmill with my “poor man’s Garmin”- a HR monitor strap and a piece of paper.  I ran faster and was able to hold a higher heart rate than the last test I did at the beginning of August last year.  I couldn’t imagine I might be in better shape than I was in the beginning of August- particularly after taking time off and not doing any consistent training.  But I guess I could be at a new base level of fitness that I didn’t have last winter.  As I ran the Boneyard last week in the snow, I remembered that I had just started trail running last March with Mr. Prepared.  I remember how uncomfortable that experience was the first time I ever did it.  And while trail running can certainly get uncomfortable, I know how lucky I am to be able to continue doing that, and it’s still as enjoyable as ever to push myself up the hill and be alone, singing out loud in the sunshine.

Lastly, if you think I am just plain nuts after this post, I messaged Swim Bike Mom about how one could possibly stand riding 3 hours on a bike trainer.  Her message?  Get comfortable with the pain.   So I guess if I am crazy, at least I have some good company.

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