adventures of a mere mortal in fitness and life

Posts tagged ‘weight loss’

as I am now

It’s kind of weird being “normal” sized in a town where no one knew you were overweight.  The assumptions that people make, the looks that you get, even the conversations that people are willing to have with you are different.  It feels both thrilling and depressing that people don’t “know” me.  I loved living in a small community for 15 years, but somehow the box started to feel suffocating and I wanted OUT.  Now that I am out, a lot of days make me want to crawl back in the box, where people know ALL of me and still love me, or don’t.

As a personal trainer trying to develop my business, a big part of me is my story.  People don’t train with a trainer (long term anyways) because they are “the best” or “the most hard-core”, but because they can develop a relationship with you.  As a trainer, you may be the best or the most hard-core, but your clients keep coming back for YOU.  If you can be hard-core and be attuned to their needs, their goals, and keep your client engaged and having fun, that’s great!  When I am working with clients who have a weight loss goal, I don’t always disclose that I have been “there”, but I generally think it helps.  It’s hard to imagine size 2 “Tiffany Trainer” who has always “loved fitness” as being very relatable to my old self. That’s why I loved Weight Watchers, because the group leaders were real WW successes, and they could speak from their hearts and from their own experiences.

I do miss aspects of my old self as time goes on.  I wanted to write about it more, but a friend popped this article into my inbox TODAY – as I have been writing this- and I think it is written just a whole lot better than I could write about it.  Check out this post from MindBodyGreen:

5 Things I Miss About Weighing More Than 300 Pounds

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u-turn at the intersection of Sad & Sorry

So the post-race bender/emotional hangover is finally over.  Over, you say?  Were you wondering when it started?  Perhaps my complete silence on my blog for the past 2 weeks seems so typical of me, moving with ADHD speed from one thing to the next, completely forgetting what’s important?

I don’t care what ANYONE tells you about wrapping up their racing season, or finishing their “A” race.  It’s depressing.  And I have read a lot of blogs out there that confirm my feelings.  And pretty much none who don’t, perhaps due to selective depressing reading.

I gave myself a week to eat what I wanted, drink what I wanted, and get the funk out.  Then I planned to start on my new goal series, “Christmas Present to Myself”, which would be to lose that last 10 pounds to get to my goal weight, and tone up the core so it’s bikini ready.  For the first time. Ever.  Because you can hardly count the body I used to sport my Speedo workout bikini in Hawaii my senior year of college as “bikini ready”.

Circa 1998. Note to self: if you need an inflatable raft to cover yourself, maybe you shouldn’t wear a bikini.

Since I was so excited to “do what I wanted”, I went to a TRX class, and besides reminding myself of all the things I love to hate about TRX, I ended up not being able to sit down without assistance from my upper body for about 5 days.  Yea, I am talking to you, track lunges and jump squats.

So that kind of hampered the “good start” I was preparing myself for last Monday.  Last week, I felt better, had a week of good workouts, felt completely engulfed by work (like, who can manage to work only 15 hours a week but end up at campus 5 days a week?) and continued some gluttonous eating and over-consumption of adult beverages.  The realization hit me that losing weight is HARD.  I started doing a bit of wallowing about how I ever achieved weight loss goals in the past and anxiety about how I could ever do it again.  I started thinking about how I could get help, how I could cut corners, or what I could do to make it go away without having to do the work.

You know what?  I can’t do any of those things.  Two things I have had to tell myself:

“You are strong enough to do this.  You have done much harder things before.”

  “Today is today. Today is all I have to achieve what I want.”

Of course, 2 really inspirational (as always) messages popped up in my inbox yesterday from 2 of my fave blogs, Swim Bike Mom and Average Moms Wear Capes.  I feel it is essential for me to read something uplifting and positive every day, and those definitely made me feel better.

So once I get my food logging and weight loss underway, I am going to take a cue from Joel Runyon (my cyber crush!) or my friend Lonnie and get working on that 6 pack.  One thing that stood out to me from both of their stories is that you can’t just do a million situps and hope for a 6 pack- you have to actually lose the weight.  As my yoga teacher says, “We all have a 6 pack.”  Mine is just waiting to be uncovered, I guess.

Speaking of my yoga teacher, she said something that really resonated with me today as I reflect on my mental state of mind.  She said, “Depressed people are living in the past.  Anxious people are living in the future.  People who are at peace are living in the present.”  So I choose today, to live in the present, and keep moving ahead, one day at a time.

food page update…

The FOOD page has been updated!  Please check it out if you are interested in finding out more ideas and plans for eating well and dieting!

I want candy…

Of all the holidays that involve special sugary treats (all of them except Groundhog Day), Easter is the hardest for me to ignore.  There is something about those little, pastel-shaped candies and treats that make me lost all willpower and control.  Halloween’s not too bad, since I haven’t been through the season of willpower tests (Christmas to Super Bowl), and I can be cynical enough about Valentine’s Day to keep it together mostly.

But by Easter, I am a little beaten down in the willpower department.  And the stuff is so freakin’ CUTE.  I don’t know why I want to EAT cute things, but I do.  Plus, let’s be honest. Cadbury eggs? Say no more.  Chocolate filled with something?  I mean, if deserted on an island and choosing 2 foods, that would be easy.  Cadbury eggs and chocolate custard-filled bismark donuts from Deerfields Bakery.  Since I’m on a deserted island, things aren’t looking too good anyways.

So Trainer Guy was looking at my calorie log last week and noting my consumption of chocolate eggs.  (And yes, I write it all down-how else can I get material for this blog?)  He was a little surprised about the amount of chocolate eggs consumed.  I was a little proud I kept it in the single digits.  I would say it was an improvement over last Easter.  I could count the amount of eggs I ate in bags last year.

That said, I am trying a new tactic.  Instead of showing my love for Easter candy by eating it, I am going poetic.  It’s pretty ugly, but think about it this way- you can laugh twice.  Once at the poem, and once at what a terrible poet I would make! That’s not to say I am not going to have a visit from the Easter bunny, but I will keep the Cadburys in the single digits.  Promise. 😉

Ode to Holiday Candy

O holiday candy, hallmark
Of another eating season,
Shiny foils hide yummy treats,
Making me lose all reason.

Colors and shape change by date,
Each time brings a treasure.
The amount of chocolate eggs I eat,
I simply cannot measure.

Sugary, peep-like, or chocolate,
It doesn’t really even matter.
Filled or solid, dark or light,
Hell, I’ve eaten raw cake batter.

From Halloween to Easter,
My willpower continuously tested,
Candy, hearts, eggs, bunnies,
City Market is completely infested.

And just when I’ve sworn to be good,
To no longer touch a single bit,
Along comes a good-hearted package or person,
Ahh, screw it.  It’s just one piece, isn’t it?

Mom Was Right

So I have hit a bit of a rough patch this week in terms of life and training.  Yesterday, I found out I have shingles.  Yes, the disease of the old and severely immuno-compromised.  No, you do not need to run away screaming from me in terror (unless you are a pregnant woman, infant, or unvaccinated child).  It’s just chicken pox and you cannot get shingles from someone’s shingles.  Mostly, my shingles may be my body’s way of telling me to chill out.  A lot.  Perhaps I should have known that every time I stood up last week and became light-headed.  I thought that was my body telling me to eat more of my mom’s oatmeal raisin cookies.  Bodies can be hard to read, you know?

So perhaps it’s time for some balance in life. I have been dealing with a lot of crap from work, and I have been losing a lot of weight and working out a ton.  I have had really good nutrition, so I can only attribute my shingles to one thing: stress.  I have stressed out my body and my mind.  I know that lots of people deal with more difficult conditions on a daily basis, and I thought I was doing alright, but I guess not.

I will reiterate that living in this valley gives you warped perceptions about how much and how hard you need to work out.  You can’t turn around in this town without bumping into an Ironman or a ultramarathoner (you know, because regular triathlons or marathons are just practice sessions).  Now, I like to work out, and I feel a lot of mental benefit from it.  But there’s a lot of value in taking your cruiser bike out, walking with a friend, and just doing the trampoline with your kids at gymnastics.  That’s something that’s definitely been missing in my life for the last few months.

So today I took my dog for a walk, kicked it with Christine and the kids all day, and tossed back some ice cream and popcorn without guilt or writing it down in my calorie log.  I am hoping for a whole weekend of no worries, easy or no workouts, and quality time with the family.  Although Taylor has brought home the rest of the supplies to finish the kids’ bathroom, so the no worries part may be out before we start.

Losing 25 pounds in 2.5 months has been challenging.  My mom commented that what I was doing might be dangerous or reckless last week when I visited her.  I laughed and then was super annoyed about her comment.  Apparently, she was right.  Which, in the end, is awfully comforting to this mom.

30 more years of knowing what’s best?  I’ll take it.

The Big 5-0

So I hit a bit of a milestone today in my weight loss journey.  It’s not a final goal or anything, but as of today I have lost 50 pounds.  I nervously weighed myself this morning, thinking of the salted caramel pudding I had indulged in last night at a friend’s birthday dinner.  It’s one of those rare times you are pleasantly surprised at 5:30 AM.

Losing 50 pounds is no small feat.  When people ask how long it’s taken, I have to sheepishly admit it’s taken about 2 years.  I took some breaks (and backslides) here and there, so I can’t say I have been making a consistent effort for 2 years, but still…it’s been a while.  I have to emphasize the power of a good plan has helped me accelerate this process, but everything has to start with a dream, right?

So my new plan has been to dream big and make a list of those big dreams.  I have been hooked on Joel Runyon’s Blog of Impossible Things this week, which has been awesome inspiration.  I wanted to go out and buy myself something to celebrate my milestone, but I think it is more worthwhile to put together a new list.  Some people call it a bucket list, goal list, etc.  My current working title is Journeys in Awesomeness because I don’t want to just enjoy the finished product, but I want to enjoy the journey to each item as much as I am enjoying the journey I am on right now.

The confessional begins…

So this blog is named treadmill confessional after a weekly exercise I am forced to complete while sweating and panting on the treadmill while my trainer sits there and checks his nails for dirt while increasing the incline and asking probing questions.  I think it’s pretty appropriate since I know that he was a Catholic school boy and probably dreaded confessional time as much as I dread it now.

I am an overweight mom of 2 who likes to imagine herself as an athlete one day, as soon as she gets rid of her muffin top and learns how to run without knocking her feet together (something I have been told will correct itself if I just keep increasing the incline).  This blog is about my journey through weight loss and towards awesome-ness, and while I have to be “positive” and “focused” in my workouts, I get to be snarky here.   So the confessional begins…the good, the bad, and the ugly.

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